i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
