Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
