Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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