Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
