How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
