I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
