She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am mentally ready for anal.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
