I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
