I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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