Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
