Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
