We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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