Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
