I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
