I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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