your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
