I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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