My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
