it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
