Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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