You just made me feel so damn special
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
