some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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