My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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