so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
