i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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