So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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