sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Still dying that you shit outside
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
