Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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