I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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