her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
