Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
