i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
