well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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