Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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