So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
