So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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