i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
