You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
