apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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