Someone shit on the floor
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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