Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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