so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
