just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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