Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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