he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
