singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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