My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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