you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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