there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
