brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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