If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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