She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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