It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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