Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
