the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
