so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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