READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
