Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
