awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
